Far From Any Road
by Rhea-V
Summary: Romance in video games can always be bigger, more detailed, more intense. That's why I like to write about it. I will tell you about the relationship between MacCready and Catherine. Chapter one to set the mood. Next chapters will contain more nudity, sexy stuff. Yes, there is a plot. I hope you enjoy! I love feedback; comments are always appreciated!
1. Chapter 1

_When I got thrown into this chaotic wasteland that faithful day, I was nothing. Nobody could've prepared me for this harsh world. Come to think of it, for a long time I doubted anyone could. For weeks I hid away from everyone in Sanctuary. I spent my time crying over old memoires and walking in circles, drowning in self-pity. Then I met MacCready. The night I stumbled into the Third Rail was the very same night I said goodbye to my old life and embraced the new role I had to play._

 _You see, if there's one thing meeting him has thought me it's this : in order to survive there is no room for playing nice, charity, justice or blind trust. You dispense it to the select few who earn it but most of all, to those who teach you how to survive. But he did more. He thought me how to live again. How to adapt to this new world without going insane. I know I took some radical chances in the last months, but I regret nothing. The way I see it, you either grow a spine and tackle anything the world throws at you or you let the wastes chew you up and eat you alive. With him at my side, I felt secure. I didn't want to lose that feeling. It was the only real thing I had felt since I woke up._

Two more hours until sundown. I was leaning against the balcony on the rooftop of Hubris Comics, taking in the view.

'Job's done. We've cleared the surrounding area, I think it's safe to say we can rest a bit. Hell, we've earned it.'

'You know it. Want one, boss?' He walked up next to me and stretched out his hand holding a pack of smokes. He assumed the same position as me. This habit of calling me 'boss' never stopped, even though I told him my name was Catherine about a hundred times. It's a merc thing I guess.

'Gladly.' I took a golden flip lighter I found in a bar out of my left pocket and lit it up. I took a puff. In the last months that have passed I had taken up smoking again. In a world where every step can lead to your death, I figured it was stupid to pay attention to your health.

'Tell me something, do you ever just think of leaving this life behind?' I blew out the smoke slowly, away from his face.

He groaned. 'Don't ask stupid questions, Catherine.' He turned his face away from mine and lit one up himself. From the way he reacted I knew what he meant. But I wanted to hear him say it. I needed it right now. So I tugged on his shoulder, trying to make him face me again.

'I mean it, man. You ever think about quitting on me?'

He raised his hands in despair. 'What? You think I'd rather be pissin' away my caps in Goodneighbor? Hell, I'm used to living on the road by now. We've been through so much shit together, you think I'd quit on us now?' He shook his head, like he couldn't believe what I just asked him.

As I didn't want to ruin the mood with more pointless questions, I parked myself in a dark red sofa and started rummaging through my bag. He continued staring in the distance, looking a bit lost in thought. I found a holotape I picked up earlier in the store beneath us, but I had no idea what it was. I put the tape in my Pip-Boy and a song started playing.

He turned his head instantly. 'Hey, wait a minute. What was that sound? I could swear...'

I narrowed my eyes and read it out loud. '"Grognak the Barbarian". Hmm. Looks like something out of a cartoon or something. Well, we can probably sell it for a shitload of caps!'

He threw the cigarette off the balcony. 'Cath, are you kidding me? That's the game of one of my favorite comic books!' he exclaimed. I had no idea what he was on about, but he sounded like I had just made the find of the century. But he did call me by my name, so he must be serious.

'Can I play?' He acted like an excited child on Christmas, his eyes wide. I don't think I've ever seen him like this in the past months. He shuffled closer with light speed and before I realized it we sat shoulder to shoulder on the sofa. Blinded by his excitement he brutally grabbed my Pip-Boy with both hands.

He let out an exciting laugh. 'Oh man, why didn't you tell me this sooner? I didn't know this fancy watch of yours could play games!' He started pressing buttons, switching gears and tapping on the screen.

'Hey, don't break it!' I told him, but he didn't hear me. I had officially lost control of my arm. I couldn't do much besides stare at him and his fascination for the game.

'Can I... get my arm back?' I asked after a good five minutes. He ignored me. Playfully. He looked up at me and shook his head. 'Just a little while longer?' I sighed and smiled.

Moments like these were painful to see for me, but I would never let it show. This kind of innocence I saw in him stood in such a cynical, dark contrast with what our daily lives actually consisted of. It forced me to face the reality of how the world had changed. Aside from that, the more comfortable he became around me, the more I cared about him. And thus the more afraid I grew of losing him.

'I'm serious, I need it. It saves our lives you know. It tells us when there's radiation and it tells us where we are. Oh and it also does a variety of other-'

'Yeah, yeah, yeah... I've heard that all before. _This_ is way more important.' He continued to play like he didn't had a care in the world. We had to be going, it was about to get dark. I wasn't about to give up, let alone always let him have his silly little way. With one firm tug I released my arm from his grasp.

'Oh no you didn't. I was about to get to the second stage!' He tried to grab it again. I wasn't about to start a tug war with the only device that was able to let me survive out here. I held my arm as far away as possible from him.

'Though luck.' I laughed and raised an eyebrow, dangling my Pip-Boy teasingly in the air. A grin formed on his lips. A grin I knew all too well. A grin, that I have to admit, helped me trough some pretty dark days and nights before.

'You devious little minx, have you no soul? Maybe this is why I like hanging out with you so much.' His tone was playful.

'Oh, do you now? Interesting. But clearly you don't know me at all.' I played along. I couldn't resist.

For a moment, he just sat next to me in silence and I figured he was thinking of some sarcastic reply, but that wasn't the case. Out of nowhere he lunged at my arm, using his whole body in a surprise attack. But he missed. Miserably. It looked almost comical.

'Too slow, MacCready. Too slow.'

I taunted in a serious tone, holding my arm safely behind my neck. His face was inches from mine and there was that grin again. But it faded and he got this serious look in his eyes. Green eyes that suddenly seemed to study the features of my face. Quite intently I might add. So close. There's a thin line between feeling just a little bit uncomfortable by one's stare and feeling completely ready to fall into an abyss of the unknown, unsure what's at the bottom. But at that moment, I felt seduced to take one hell of a leap.

Out of nowhere he brushed away a lock of brown hair out of my face.

'I like it when you're this close.' he mumbled, not even flinching.

My upper legs stiffened and I felt a ball of fire raging, seething through my belly. My breath hitched.

'I...'

Gunfire. It echoed through the streets like fireworks on the fourth of July.

'Watch out!' He yelled, yanking me down on the floor by my neck. Quickly we repositioned ourselves with our back against the balcony. We looked each other in the eyes. Stern and focused. We've been through this a countless times. One of the raiders must've survived our little rampage from earlier. Maybe more. Time to dance.

But first : music. It was a mental thing; it helped me focus. One flick of a button and I was set.

 _'Why does the sun go on shining...'_

I took the last puff of my cigarette and threw it away. Strangely out of place, I still feel the excitement linger from the moment we just had on the sofa.

'Showtime.' I whisper, and wink at him.

I reloaded my trusted sniper rifle. Fast. Steady. After spending many weeks on the road together, we were way past arguing about tactics. We were prepared, always. We had no choice. A few stray bullets flew over our heads. I waited until the gunfire ceased. We had to split up. Do _ye old switcheroo_ as we jokingly called it. One nod from me was all he needed. Silently, he sneaked away from me. He took cover behind the chimney and scouted with his scope.

More bullets came my way.

'Hurry. They're pretty fucking pissed off!'

'Relax... Found them. Ten o' clock, two raiders. Male, female.' He fired an accurate shot, right in the male's chest.

'One down!' he shouted.

 _'Don't they know, it's the end of the world...'_

One more to go. I caressed the trigger softly, like one would caress the chest of a lover. Breathe in, breathe out. I break cover, peek over the balcony. I close my right eye and focus. She thinks I don't see her standing over her dead friend's body, but she is wrong. So wrong. I adjust my shoulder to ensure I got maximum accuracy. My breath doesn't hitch. Nnnnow.

I pull the trigger mercilessly. And with one sharp bang, this fight ends. Her lifeless body falls to the ground next to her companion.

 _'It ended when you said... goodbye.'_

'Nice headshot.' He congratulates me as he comes out of hiding.

'Learned from the best.' I reply and I sway my rifle at my back, adjusting my sunglasses. There is a certain attitude you need to survive in this wasteland and I had found it. All thanks to him.

He throws me a humble smile. 'Let's head home?' he asks.

'Good thinking. Enough shooting for today.'

Surprise raider attack or not, I wasn't planning on letting his little stunt be forgotten by it. What did he mean exactly? Was he just joking around like always? I needed answers. And I was sure I was going to get them back at home base.


	2. Chapter 2

_Home. But not really. I couldn't stay in Sanctuary. Too many memories. Every day I prolonged my stay there they seeped deeper in my pours, suffocating me. Weak. Directionless. Days after I wasn't a lone wanderer anymore, I decided to settle here. A boathouse near the city boarder. How charming. After a little clean up duty I claimed it as my own. That's how it rolls in the Commonwealth. The lake surrounding it almost looked magical from where I was standing - if you could forget the fact it could kill a man within minutes without proper protection. Come to think of it, I always wanted a lakeside home. Funny how life works out, wouldn't you agree? Home. But not really._

'There you are, boy!' My dog ran up to me. I used my silly voice. 'Where you a good boy while we were out? Did you protect our base from evil raiders? Did ya?' I gave him a playful pat on the head and tickled his ears.

MacCready rolled his eyes at the scene when he walked past us. He placed his rifle in the corner next to the door, threw his jacket on the sofa and sat down. 'Glad this day is over again.' he sighed.

I walked passed him sitting in our living room. The adjacent room was set up as a kitchen area. At that time it was still really important for me to still have some sort of normality. I grabbed two glasses from the self. A stiff drink a long rest, that was all I needed now to close off for the day. Yet another bad habit I had picked up after my awakening, but there was little room to care anymore.

I turn on the radio. Classical station. A little Liszt to ease the pain. Here we go. He still sat there, but he had now placed his feet on top of my coffee table. Dirty army boots still on. What part of the inner housewife that still remained was probably screaming out in agony. Oh, the torture. But I let it slide. I walked up behind him; I was too much of a coward to pose the question that's been on my mind the whole way home face to face. In my belly I felt a nervous ball of electricity spin around. But I was almost certain you couldn't tell by looking at me. Or see it in my eyes. The more I thought about starting my sentence, muttering the first word, the more my legs felt like they were made out of lead.

'Look, about earli-'

'What about earlier?' He couldn't have possibly replied faster! He glanced next to him.

I grinned. 'Behind you.' He looked up at me, hands folded over his belly.

'There you are!' He playfully replied.

'Glasses? Nice, I could kill for a drink.' He evaded my question. But hell, what did I expect. I glanced at the cupboard for drinks. Empty. Best timing ever.

'Nothing apparently. We're all out.' I replied stern. Second try. 'So about what you said -'

'Don't despair... When you weren't looking I snatched us a little somethin' somethin'.' He bent over and searched through his leather bag placed at his feet.

I recognized the fancy bottle of scotch immediately. There were stray bottles to be found in the wastes, sure. But none of them were quite as expensive and rare as the one he was holding triumphantly up right now. Smug smile thrown in as a bonus. Typical.

'Did you steal this from Hancock's office? Oh dear lord...'

I rubbed the skin between my eyebrows furiously. With a brief tug I pulled his cap over his eyes.

'And you accuse _me_ of having no soul...' I couldn't help but smile at him, forgiving him instantly. But I knew Hancock wouldn't do the same so easily. With a lot of unneeded dramatic gestures, he adjusted his hat back in place. I loved how it always annoyed him when I messed around with it.

'Oh please... and everything you see here has been acquired in an honest way?' He chuckled. 'Less talking, more drinking!'

He scooted over so I had room to sit next to him. I sat down but this time we weren't as close like a few hours ago. Secretly I wanted it to be. It felt right somehow. Comforting. Safe. A little bit exciting.

'I'm serious.' I pushed back the bottle against his chest. No mercy. If I had to treat him like a child, so be it. 'Tell me first, then we can drink.' This was it. My last stand.

'Look, I'm sorry. Just forget about it. It was stupid. Can you drop it?' He calmly explained himself, but I still got the impression he disliked me asking questions about it.

That couldn't be it. There was more to it. I felt it. I saw it. Don't bullshit a bullshitter.

'Don't apologize. I didn't think it was stupid.'

Our eyes locked. My hands laid relaxed on the sofa, close to his. By now I was nervous enough to do provoke a reaction. Step over a line. Do something unusual. Take the leap. I carefully brushed my fingers against his. A small gesture to show how much I care. He allows it for a few seconds and then hesitantly pulls away.

'What's wrong?' Afraid I crossed a line I wouldn't be able to smoothen out later, I backed off instantly.

'It's... you remind me so much of her. Of Lucy. In a way, it's the best thing that could ever happen to me. It's just so confusing, you know?'

I felt like a dick. But in a weird and distasteful way, I also felt like an owner of a very lucky lottery ticket. Numbers just in, ladies and gentlemen! Since I had no idea what to say, I just stared at him. Wish I had that drink right about now. Lucky for me, he wasn't done talking.

'I loved her so much. We had it all and...' He bowed his head and rubbed his forehead. The urge to put my arms around him and comfort him until hell freezes over washed over me, but I hesitated. It would be distasteful.

'... then she died. Everything was lost. I told you this before. It's just...'

He sat back up, turned his body to me. A million red flags flew before my eyes. I shouldn't have made a move like that. It just wasn't the place nor the time. What was I thinking...

'Cath, I don't want the same thing happening to us.'

He grabbed my knee and pulled it against his. I could tell by the tone of his voice he was nervous and not joking around. My knee dangled back and forth awkwardly when he started to caress it gently. I clenched my teeth. When I bowed my head, our foreheads touched. For a few seconds we just sat there and I listened to his unsteady breathing.

'I won't allow it.' Someone had to break the silence, might as well be me. And I meant every damn word I told him. I brought my hand up behind his neck. Softly I caressed the back with my thumb.

'Never. You hear me?' I whispered. My voice trembled, I couldn't help it. We never discussed these things directly. And now that we finally did, my whole body refused to accept this scenario as a possible outcome.

When our lips touched for the first time, it was as if I sank away into the sofa. I saw myself floating on an ocean, spreading my arms wide open, my fingers barely brushing the waters. I pulled him closer, like the way I sometimes caught myself thinking about lately. After a long kiss on the lips our mouths slowly opened and our tongues met. Searching for our own rhythm. Tasting. Teasing a little. He clearly was experienced, but rusty. Rusty like I was. Overwhelmed by the kiss, I slowly laid down and guided him on top of me, so he could place himself between my legs.

Aside from the feint sound of the radio still playing in the kitchen, all you could hear was the brushing of the fabric of our clothes against each other.

This was really happening. It's been so long. Since... since. Oh god. My heartbeat was out of control. It pounded wildly in my chest, I thought it was going to burst out of my ribcage. My hands were cold, I hoped he didn't mind. I put my arms around his shoulders and kissed him deeper, couldn't resist to bite on his lip for a second.

Suddenly the reality slapped me in the face. Roughly, palm flat. I could almost feel the tingling aftermath on my cheek. The last person I fucked was my husband. But my body was screaming, almost crying out in despair for more. More of his touch, more of his tongue. More of his closeness; the kind of closeness that I missed. I pushed my hips desperately against his, begging for him to continue. He kissed my jaw line and let his left hand slide from the top of my shoulder all the way over my side. He stopped on my hip. I didn't want to make a sound, but a soft moan escaped my lips. He lifted up my shirt a little, touching my bare skin. His hands were so warm, a bit rugged. It felt so right. But this nagging voice in the back of my head was judging me, looking down upon the scenery with disgust.

Like a wave graciously rolling on its end on the beach, the slithering of our bodies pressed together continued. Legs sliding over each other playfully, hands thirsty for patches of needy skin. His little beard tickled my face. But no matter how much I squirmed under him, I couldn't find a comfortable position.

'Couch... too small.' He whispered against my collarbone, reading my mind. I saw a shy smile I never seen before. So unusual.

He stood up and took my hand. I immediately noticed just how excited he already was. That didn't take long. When I stood up from the sofa my legs felt like they were made out of spaghetti. My head was spinning, I couldn't believe this was happening. It all escalated so fast. There was no time to wonder if this was a mistake or not. He didn't allow it. He cupped my face and kissed me. Without breaking our embrace, we swayed around in the chamber, eyes closed. Mesmerized by our kiss, I noticed too late I bumped against the dresser. Loudly. A variety of items I placed on top of it clattered on the wooden floor. He didn't care. I nearly lost my footing on a casing of shotgun shells. In the heat of the moment I quickly cleared the dresser of the remaining items with one clean sweep. With a rather elegant move, I placed myself on top of it, facing him.

I grabbed his hips and pulled him roughly against me, wrapping my legs around his waist.

'Whoa there...' he spoke with a husky voice. 'So you like it wild?' He looked at me intently; exactly like he did past afternoon on the rooftop of Hubris Comics.

'Nice.' Not an ounce of shame. His voice made me feel drunk, like my mind was numb.

I giggled nervously, but I wished I hadn't. He pushed me against the wall. When I craned my head to the side he kissed my neck, working his way down to my chest. Little, short kisses. One by one, he began unbuttoning my dark green army shirt. It's been so long since anyone did this to me. I shoved away the little nagging voice as deep away as I possible mentally could. I want this. Now.

When he undid the last button, I felt how my breasts were almost fully exposed to him. Only a little piece of fabric dangled from the sides. Boiling, seething lava poured over my chest. Raw, pure, desire. Nothing more, nothing less. I flicked his hat on the floor and ran my fingers wildly through his hair, kissing his neck. He seemed to like it by the sound he made. A naughty chuckle followed by a deep, enjoyable moan.

I wanted to watch him nibble on my nipples but the thought was just too much for me, so I did the next best thing. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation. His tongue danced around my nipple, teasingly licking it, stopping for a second then sucking on it again. It drove me mad.

'You tease...' I spoke with a shudder in my voice, while I tugged on his hair every time it became too much for me to bare.

'I aim to please.'

My legs tensed up, all the way to my toes. For a moment I believed I was able to cum by this act alone. He kept going, caressing my breasts with his warm hands. The sensation was overwhelming, almost maddening.

'You have really beautiful breasts...' he spoke softly. I lift his chin up to face me and smiled at him. I brought him up to my face me and kissed him. Leaded by my curiosity, I started undoing his shirt. He fumbled with my belt and my hands instantly followed his, helping him release me from my jeans. Hastily I wiggled myself out of my pants while I couldn't wipe the smirk of my face.

He turned me around and ran the palm of his hand from my neck all over my spine. All I can think of is the pleasure that awaits me. I wanted to feel something real. Be admired, be loved. I listen to the sound of a of his belt buckle unlocking, shortly followed by it falling on the ground.

'I want it...' I moan, while I try to find a grip with my hands. I grab hold of the dresser and lean down. I'm so impatient. I look down, between my open legs and see his belt laying on the ground. All I can think of is feeling him inside me, filling me. Making love with me. Forgetting everything. Feeling alive, being buried by this moment. Forgetting the world.

When he entered me I couldn't make a sound. Voiceless. It hurt a little. He placed his hands around my neck. So hot. He clenched it a little, just a little. I could only produce a hitched breath that would go on for several second. My ears grew deaf. He thrusts, slowly. All I could think of was how much I secretly wanted this to happen on several occasions. In the back of a bar. He thrusts again, faster. Against the wall of a lost alley. Faster. In a hotel somewhere. The fantasies were endless. And it was happening right now. I start pleasuring myself. He releases his grip from my neck and slides his hands over my breasts, squeezing my nipples. I close my eyes and adjust even more to his rhythm. He grabs my hips in a tight grip. My sight becomes blurred and I let myself get lost...

'Yes! Almost...' I moan loudly. I listen to his ragged breathing. I bend over a little more. Almost...

When I come, every vein in my body sizzles with excitement. My body unloads a tremendous amount of pressure and my muscles relax instantly. I feel him come shortly after. I'm out of breath, out of emotions. Out of things to feel, to think about. Empty.

He rests his head against my shoulder blade, breathing so fast. Oh so fast. When he places his hand on my back, I feel he is trembling. He slowly backs away from me and pulls up his jeans.

I turn around, a bit shaky; my footing was unsteady. He flips my hair to the side and places a soft kiss on my collarbone. I breathe heavily through my nose, trying to regain some sort of normal breathing. With his thumb he caressed my cheekbone.

'That... was amazing.' With the sweetest smile, he studied me. 'Are you... all right?'

He took a blanket and wrapped it around me, holding it closely shut tight in front of my chest.

'Yes...' I replied faintly. 'I loved it.' I still wonder why I felt shy in that moment. But I really did love it. It was everything I needed at the time. I looked him straight in the eye.

'So... you want to have that drink now?'

'Oh man... you'll be the end of me.'


	3. Chapter 3

_My sister once told me : 'Catherine, sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.'_

 _She always did love to quote. Looking back on it in times like these, her words couldn't ring truer. People don't tend to ask a whole lotta questions around here, but I liked to question myself. Take a moment to reflect. Why did I decide to walk the path of the mercenary? Because it meant security. Caps, renown, connections. The more people you had in your precious little inner circle, the less the odds were you'd wake up one day with a rusty knife in your back. As a bonus, the odd job here and there kept my mind focused, my body fit and prepared. Why did I help a man in troubled waters when I could've easily walked away, leaving him to rot in his own misery? Because I saw straight through his act. I knew because he was puttin' on the same show as me. He had to, just like me._

'Wake up, sleepyhead.'

I opened my eyes and needed a few moments to adjust to the scenery. It had been so long since I had someone this close to me while waking up. Almost, almost I had forgotten what it felt like. I relished the thought of simply laying there, having him this close to me. Safe from harm. Feeling his hot breath against the back of my neck.

'You're so warm...' I slide my hands over his upper arm hanging loosely over my waist. Mine were always cold, no matter where I was. I rolled around to face him, pulling the blanket over our shoulders.

'Catherine...'

His hair was a true mess, pointing everywhere. He seemed so innocent, anything but a trained, cold-hearted gun for hire.

'Do we have to get up yet?' he mumbled with one eye open.

'Not for a little while.' I nestled my face between his neck and shoulder and closed my eyes.

It wasn't until he pulled me closer, gently stroking my hair that the reality sank in. Maybe I shouldn't have provoked him that much to get my answers, but if clocks could be rewound, I would do it all over again. Not a single doubt on my mind. But the possibility that I made matters more complicated shot through my mind like a rusty, poisoned arrow. I couldn't shake the feeling.

I had to compose myself. This was what I wanted. I couldn't let this moment be swallowed up by my fears. We'd been traveling, surviving, together for so long now. I couldn't let yesterday make a difference.

'I forgot to tell you something yesterday.' Slowly I released myself from his touch.

'Oh? Like what?' He yawned. I climbed out of bed, straightened my clothes and dusted them off. Took a seat in front of the bed, took up my rifle and inspected it for malfunctions. You didn't want to be caught with a broken trigger mid fight. Always, always be prepared.

'I promised Hancock I'd visit him today. He had an interesting business proposal he wanted to discuss. I'd rather not keep him waiting.'

'How many caps?' He sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing his eyes. Still sleepy. I never understood how he could sleep without his shirt on. The room was ice cold.

'He didn't mention. Said he needed more information, you know how it goes. Check in with some people. But he needed people he could trust... Us.' I smiled and felt my chest swell of pride.

At first I figured taking jobs from Hancock was a strategic choice. He was a man with a lot of power, a lot of influence. Knew many people. Plenty of caps to throw around. When it became clear to me we also shared many ideals, I became his own little personal problem solver.

I put on my leather jacket and picked up my bag from the floor, threw it over my shoulder with a smooth swing. Ready to face the road.

'Cmon. We have to go. Get dressed, slacker.' I taunted.

He looked up at me, raised an eyebrow. 'Oh I see. Was that your plan all along? So after last night, you think you get to boss me around?'

I bowed my head just a little. Felt a bit shy, but I knew exactly what I wanted to say.

'I remember you being in charge yesterday.' Yesterday... when he fucked me from behind against the little dresser a few paces away from me. I grinned.

MacCready stood up from the bed, started walking towards me. Confidently. A little smug. He stopped right in front of me. Leaning close into me, our hips touched. He ran his finger over my lips. I froze.

'Well... Maybe next time, you can take the lead, hm?' He spoke with a flirty, hoarse voice. He lifted up my chin and kissed me briefly on my lips.

Tease. You damn tease. No time. We had to run. But my thoughts, they ran wild. It all came back to me. His firm grasp on my hips, his tongue exploring my body. I felt my blood pumping vigorously in my neck just thinking about it.

He looked at me curiously, drawing circles with his finger on my belly. 'Cap for your thoughts?'

I placed my hand on his bare chest. He picked up my hand, brought it to his lips and carefully placed one kiss on it. My stomach filled up with butterflies. They fluttered chaotically around, begging for escape.

'Why would I tell you now when I can _show_ you later?'

'Damn...' he spoke with a hint of bewilderment in his voice and let go of my hand. 'I'll be looking forward to that. Give me five.' I watched as he turned around and got dressed.

When we left the house I took one last look at the dresser before pulling the door close behind me.

When we arrived in Goodneighbor one of Hancock's cronies told us he wasn't in yet.

'Wanna hit the Third Rail while we wait?' I proposed.

'A plan as good as any.'

Ascending the stairs, the scent of beer and cigarettes greeted me. Been a while since I was here. Apart from the regulars, I noticed many new faces from all walks of life. Bar was crowded.

He grabbed my wrist. 'Hey, give me a sec. I'm gonna talk to Daisy.' I nodded at him and he gave me a short smile. But there was something different now. Something changed. Normally he would just go. He didn't need to inform, report to me like that. He placed the palm of his hand against my lower back and paused.

'Go.' I nodded and laughed cheerfully, my eyes scanning the bar to see if anyone noticed. I could've sworn my feet lifted from the ground a little.

Magnolia's performance ended. When I took a seat at the bar she walked up to me. Looking stunning as ever in the red dress she wore.

'Darling... What brings you to our little cozy corner of the world?'

'Business as usual. Hancock wants to see me.'

'I see. Well I won't be stickin' my little nose into that business of yours.' She glanced behind my shoulder and noticed MacCready talking to Daisy.

'You two crazy cats still hanging out? Haven't seen him back here since the day you picked him up.'

'Well, it's strictly business. He's a good shot. I pay him caps, he kills for me. That's how it works.'

Been a while since I had to lie about things like that. I looked over my shoulder and watched them talk in the back. Couldn't see his face. Couldn't understand the whole conversation but it looked like he was telling an elaborate story. Then I heard him enthusiastically imitating the sound of a grenade exploding. He even mimicked the impact with his hands, followed by a loud amusing laugh. 'Oh man, you should've seen it!' _That_ right there, that was one of the reasons why I loved him. With light speed I turn myself around back to Magnolia. Inside I'm dying of laughter.

Her eyes softened. 'Oh honey, no need to lie to me. It's written all over your pretty face. I've got a, how do you call it, a _sixth sense_ for these kinds of things.' She smiles at me forgivingly. Her voice went quiet. 'Truth be told, it warms my heart to see that love still stands a chance against the wasteland.'

I shuffle uncomfortably on my barstool. Didn't want to confess anything to her, even though she was right about everything. Me being pretty was debatable. But the rest? I wanted to keep it to myself, hold it close, protected.

I shake my head and fake a confused expression, trying to make her believe she is wrong about us.

'Charlie, a whiskey please.'

'Make it two.' There he was. In the nick of time. He startled me, came up from behind. He took an empty seat next to me.

They nodded politely at each other. Charlie presented us with drinks and Magnolia took the stage again. Music filled up the bar, allowing for secret conversations to take place.

'That woman picks up on too many things that's good for her.' I said in a hushed whisper.

'Whatever do you mean?' He grins and winks at me. Took a sip from his whiskey.

I roll my eyes at him. 'Idiot. She saw. _You know_.' I pinched his upper leg.

'Don't!' He spoke abruptly, pulling up his leg out of reach from my hand. He spilled some of his drink. He always hated it when I pinched him out of the blue. Or tickled him. But I loved his reaction too much. His face was priceless every damn time.

'You know I hate that.'

'You know I hate that.' I mimicked him, with a high pitched voice, waving my hands dramatically in the air on the rhythm of my words. I saw him smile, but he tried his best not to laugh out loud.

'This is where we met.' He suddenly said, pointing on the wooden bar. Didn't expect him to reminisce about us so soon.

He could barely contain his laughter, interrupting himself.

'Remember that day? You wore that army helmet that was three times too big for you. Oh man, you should've seen yourself back then. And your aim. Your aim was shit, Cath.' He shook his head in despair.

'Yeah, yeah. Shut up. I remember.' I smile. It was all true. But I didn't feel like reminiscing about my former life for various reasons. I've spent the last months blocking out memories, telling myself it's part of the past. A new, fresh start was what kept me sane. It made sense. We made sense. There's no point in looking back when there's nothing to look back upon.

'You two!' A voice suddenly shouted from behind us. As I turned my back it was the same guy who told us Hancock wasn't in yet. He pointed upwards. Time to go.


	4. Chapter 4

_A lot of questions ran around in my mind back then. Was it wise to be honest about my true feelings towards him? Was it okay to have a relationship amidst this chaotic life we were leading? I often feared I was showing signs of a typical addicted gambler. Too many wins streaks makes you cocky, overly secure and blind to the risks of taunting lady Luck in the face. We survived many battles already. Together. Survived this fucking world together. I was scared I'd wake up one day, not expecting one of the scenarios that could lay before me. I didn't want to lose him before, but since our thoughts were shared, our heartbeats collided, the stakes got raised. Walking the wastes with him as more than a partner felt like playing with fire._

'All right kids, listen up. Pretty simple arrangement.'

'Lay it out for us.' I spoke.

'Two days ago a man strolled into my town. Name's Nathan. Tall guy, doesn't talk much. Says he has a proposal for me. He tells me he's in possession of some delicate information. I'm talking access codes to an abandoned chem lab south of Quincy.'

'How did he get his hands on the codes?' I ask.

'I was getting to that...' He replied calmly.

'See, Nathan used to hang with a group of raiders not far from here. One day, the leader of the gang decided it was a brilliant idea to sell his girlfriend in exchange for a whole compound of dried food. Obviously that didn't go well with our new friend. When he found out, they had an argument that escalated. He slit the girl's throat in front of him.'

'Jesus fuck.' I gasped.

'Yeah. Raiders.' He pulled up his shoulders. 'So anyway, he... well you might say he snapped after that little incident. Nathan killed off the whole group. Before he left the hideout, he found codes. Codes to the lab. Since he didn't care for the chems themselves, or wanted to go through the hassle of sellin' them, he came to me. Wanted to get a sweet deal out of it. Codes in exchange for caps. I get to keep everything stashed in there.'

'So? You in?' Hancock asked.

'Hold up. This guy, how do you know we can trust him?'

'You don't. That's why I'm sending you two along with him to do the job. Make sure he doesn't try anything funny.' He meant it. Looked me straight in the eyes.

'Why didn't he just give you the codes? Couldn't you have paid him already and be done with it?'

'So he can give me fake ones? No, I'm not taking any risks. I want you two to go with him, see how it plays out. I ain't paying him shit until I know they are real.'

'How many caps?' I rubbed my fingers against each other in the air.

'750.'

MacCready nodded at me.

'We're in.' I said confidently.

'Good. I knew I could count on you. We'll rendez-vous here tomorrow afternoon. Discuss details and whatnot. I'll introduce you to Nathan.'

I stood up from the sofa and walked towards the big, wooden doors.

'You. MacCready. Stay.'

'Cya, Hancock.' I waved. I knew shit was about to hit the fan. Nothing escapes the man. Let alone a missing bottle of expensive booze. I walked past the doors, parked myself against one.

'Look, I'll be honest with ya. I like you because you're a fine shot and I like your attitude. But don't ever _fucking_ steal from me again. Understood?'

Didn't hear a sound.

I waited until MacCready passed me. 'Well?' I laughed.

'Just leave it.' He said annoyed.

On our way home, we came across my old workplace. I wanted to check it out. Like any other place, everything was covered in dust and old trinkets were strayed across the different rooms.

'Let's check out the second floor, that's where I used to work.'

I pressed the button to call the elevator.

'Going down.'

 _Ding._

The doors slid closed.

'Going up.'

'Error. Error. Elevator malfunction.'

'Great. Now what?' I wondered out loud, looking around for a solution.

The look we then shared said a million fucking words. Oh yeah, I've seen it before. Like a lion circling 'round an easy prey, calculating his moves. Ready to devour, feast on fresh flesh.

He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me against the cold, metal wall of the elevator. He didn't waste a single second. I loved the way he came on to me. No doubts, no hesitation. Just pure lust. He kissed my neck, hot and wet. His hands immediately found their way under my linen shirt.

'In a hurry?' I giggled, trying to get a good look at his face. He didn't let me.

'I want you. Now.' He spoke, his lips brushing against my neck.

Hearing him say these four words made me dizzy. Time for joking was over. I took off my jacket on a whim, let it fall on the ground at my feet. I embraced him, kissed him deeply. My skin burned of the sensation of his hand sliding down across my body. While he kept kissing my neck, he opened my belt. Didn't need my assistance this time. Fast learner. His hand found a way inside my jeans. Inside my pants. I bucked my hips forward a little to allow him some wiggle room. My breath hitched, swallowed hard.

My hips followed the movement of his fingers, starting off slow. He knew exactly what he was doing. I stood there, my breathing uneven, my chest going up and down wildly.

'Like it?' He whispered.

'Please...' I moaned, blinking my eyes rapidly.

I begged, but he didn't listen. I didn't want him to stop, but to have mercy. He didn't have none. Focusing all of his attention on my clit, he kept going. His movements drove me into a high. At first I felt a bit uncomfortable by the way he looked at me. But then I saw how it excited him. He was completely mesmerized seeing my enjoyment by his own hand. He pulled my jeans down a little more.

He ripped apart my shirt with his free hand, cupped my breast and brushed his thumb over my nipple. A shiver ran down my spine. I was so aroused I couldn't focus. So many stimulations, appearing out of nowhere. I wanted to scream from the top of my lungs, but I couldn't. Couldn't control my breathing anymore. It was loud, gasping for air. He sucked on my nipple, the movement of his fingers increasing rapidly. I was so wet. His fingers slipped around down there, pleasuring me. Tickling, stroking. I wanted to jump on him, wrap my legs around him, but I could only stand there, accept his special treatment, surrender to his unforgiving touch. The muscles in my legs were so tense, I longed for a relief. My hips banged against him, against his hand. I placed my hand on his, following the same rapid movements. When I saw him look down, I climaxed He notices and slides his hand over my slit. I shiver, right legs shudders out of control. Couldn't handle his touch, not so soon after I came. He studies me, takes pleasure in my flustered face.

Drunk by my orgasm, I straighten myself up. My footing is unsteady, my legs shiver. I pull up my jeans, don't bother closing it. There's a muscle in my thigh that hurts, but I ignore it. With a single finger, shaking, I pointed on his chest. I took a step forward, he took one back.

Overwhelmed by what just happened, I decided it was _his_ turn.

'Stay still.' I commanded him.

I kiss him on the lips and disappear from his sight. I lower myself in front of him, sat down on my knees. I felt very nervous but I didn't show, or at least I hoped I didn't show. When I looked up, I saw that his eyes were closed. He frowned, bit his lip. I listened to him breathe out intensely, ruggedly through his nose. I slide my hands across his jeans and I saw the results of our short, steamy time spent locked up in here. After I unbuckled his belt, his jeans dropped to his ankles. I reached for him. His rigid, erect cock was exposed to me. I took it in my hand, let my other hand drift over his hip. Fueled by his satisfied grunt, I let my tongue slide over his shaft. Slowly. I wet my lips, slide them over the tip. My tongue swirled around, eagerly teasing him. My grip was firm, tugging with a slow pace. Never disliked blowjobs. I reveled in the pleasure I gave him. I was in charge. Didn't mind when he placed his hand on the back of my head, directing me to go faster. I took him in deeper, pleasuring him with my tongue while I listened to him moan.

He grabs my arms and pulls me up. 'I can't take it anymore.' He grunts. I know what's about to come. I take off my jeans, shoved it away with my foot in a corner. It all happened so fast.

With one swift move, he put his hands under my bottom and lifted me up, moved his hands under my knees. My back banged against the wall. By the look on his face, I saw he didn't intended to be so rough.

'I'm fine.' I said in a hurry, out of breath. I didn't care. All I wanted was to feel him inside me.

I clenched my arms around his neck, dug my nails in his shoulders.

He entered me harshly, almost violently. I loved it. So much energy. So much passion. I didn't care about the sounds I made anymore. Neither did he.

'Oh god.' I screamed. My back pressed against the wall, my knees up against his sides. I placed my hands on his bottom, pushing him deeper inside me each time he trusted. I looked down and saw him enter me, again and again. Couldn't look away, my eyes were glued to it. So hot. My breasts wiggled around against my ripped shirt. We shared a look. If looks could kill, that might've been the one. We were both sweating, gasping for air, our bodies desperately trying to collide deeper into each other.

I threw my hands up in the air, carelessly, letting myself get lost by his thrusts. He held me tight, and I watched how his upper arms were trembling carrying me. But he didn't give in. I placed my hands on the railing behind me to relieve him from some of my weight. I looked up and held my body still, focus on how he made my whole body shake by his movements.

'Faster.' I moan in his ear.

'Error. Error. Elevator malfunction.'

'Oh shit...' he muttered out of breath, as he sped up his rhythm. He leant his forehead on my shoulder, pressing it hard against my skin. He made a fist right next to my head, _slammed_ it against the metal. Few seconds later I felt him climax inside me.

'Error resolved. Elevator functions... normal.'

Ding.

We broke out in laughter, bowed our heads against each other. But we quickly returned to our worn out state.

'Well, that was fun.' He grinned at me, taking a step away from me. He pulled up his jeans. My feet touched the ground again. Quickly I grabbed my jeans, jumped right in it.

'All I know is I'll never be able to look at an elevator the same way. Dear lord.' I zipped up my pants. 'Oh and thanks for ruining my shirt.' I playfully sneered at him.

'Come here.' He reached out to my hand, took it in his. 'I'm sorry, we'll get you a new one. Blame it on the heat of the moment.'

I softly slapped his face and smiled at him. 'Idiot.'

'I love you too.'

I needed a few seconds to let his sentence sink in. He had _shown_ me before, but I never heard him say it out loud. My mind was searching for words, for a witty reply, a meaningful answer. Nothing. I drew a total blank.

I leant forward and kissed him, long on the lips.

'Let's get out of here.' I said.

He put his arm around my shoulders and we walked out of my former workplace.


	5. Chapter 5

_Destiny. It's a funny thing. It promises you everything, but gives you nothing. It only mocks us._

 _I've had my fair share of crying, back in Sanctuary. When I left, I promised myself I wouldn't shed another tear. There were many reasons why I broke the promise I made to myself on that particular day. I cried because I was overcome with happiness. I cried because I couldn't believe destiny would be so kind, yet so cruel towards me. There it was, blessing me with this man who walked into my life, yet offering me a million ways to destroy everything we've built together._

We were on our way home, when suddenly a man crossed our path. He halted in his steps in front of us, in complete silence. Crazy stare in the eyes. Specks of dried blood on his face. A scar ran from the right corner of his lip to the middle of his cheek. I'll never forget that face. Guy had written bad news all over him.

'The fuck do you want?' I reloaded my shotgun, pointed it at him.

'Get lost, pal.' MacCready stood next to me, backing me up.

'Relax. Just hand over all your caps and everybody walks out of this alive.' The man grinned while he calmly stated his intentions, as if he casually asked for directions to Diamond City. I could tell he was high on chems. Arms and legs jittery, dilated pupils, smacking his lips.

'What? No way.' I answered, shook my head. Nearly laughed. He was unarmed, and that was the sole reason I hadn't shot him yet.

Finger on the trigger. 'Last warning.' I told him. 'We're not doing this.' I prepared to leave, but he took a step in my direction, blocking my way.

The raider cackled maniacally. 'Or what?'

'What, are you deaf? Move.' MacCready was holding his rifle in front of him and pushed the raider aside. But he immediately stepped back. His eye twitched again.

'Just leave it. He's just a junkie.' I tugged Mac's wrist, but he abruptly pulled away his hand and kept staring the man down. He looked past MacCready and his eyes ran over my body, inspecting me. He licked his lips.

'How about this, though guy? You let me have a little go with your girlfriend and I won't cut your throat.'

MacCready placed himself between me and the raider.

'You shut your fucking mouth.' MacCready raised his voice. Everything happened so fast. The raider punched him in the head and all I could do was watch my lover instantly collapse in the dirt. He kicked his rifle away with his foot.

Before I realized what had happened, his dirty hands reached for me, clasping them firmly around my neck. He was strong, insanely strong. Fucked up by the chems no doubt. I fell on the ground, flat on my back. My gun, out of reach. He pushed himself on me, suffocating my body with his weight. I desperately tried to get him off me, but no matter where I placed my hands, he was unstoppable. My legs kicked around wildly on the ground in frustration, dust flying up. I scratched his hands with my fingernails. Slapped his face. He didn't flinch. It was as if he didn't feel pain.

'Why don't you fucking die already, you bitch!' He hissed at me, spit flying out of his mouth, landing in my eyes. He shook his arms violently, applying more pressure. He didn't stop choking me, I couldn't breathe. I opened my mouth, but couldn't produce a sound. Nothing. Panic coursed through my body. I felt my heartbeat in my ears, loud thuds, increasing in speed.

'Mac...'

Full of despair I tried to call out his name, but I could only manage to let out a miserable silent gurgle. I watched him lay on the ground, laying still. My face felt like it was swollen. His right hand reached for his back pocket. But even with one hand, he had full control over me. He showed me a knife, proudly as if he was showing off a trophy he had just won.

'I'll make this quick.' The sharp blade cut into my cheek. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't. My vision blurred out, but out of the corner of my eye I could see MacCready regain consciousness. I reached out my trembling hand towards him, stretching my fingertips so far I was afraid my skin would to rip open. I felt my blood running down my face. It was warm and thick.

He got up so fast, nearly stumbled over his own legs.

'Get away from her!' He screamed from the top of his lungs. From behind he grabbed the man by his collar and managed to pull him off me in two struggling tries.

I rolled on my side and gasped for air. Precious air, filling my lungs. I couldn't stop coughing. I thought I was going to vomit.

'Fucking asshole! You'll pay for this!' He screamed, sitting on top of him. Blood gushed out of the raider's nose. He cried out in pain, begged for forgiveness. But MacCready kept mercilessly pounding his fists on his face. Blinded by rage, he didn't stop.

'Mac... Stop...' I spoke whilst rubbing my throat, my voice hoarse. Barely audible.

He held his fist up in the air and looked down at the man under him. MacCready was out of breath, his face red and flustered. When he saw the gash on my face, his eyes grew wide.

'You're bleeding...' he gasped, rushing towards me. His hands were shaking, covered in blood.

'Come here.' He let himself fall on his knees, pulled me close against his chest. He held me tight while I listened to his heartbeat. Out of all the thoughts that could've run through my mind during that moment, I thought about Lucy. And how he lost her. In that moment, I realized I had willingly signed up for that scenario to happen all over again.

He let go of me, looked me in the eyes. 'How long was I out? What else did he do to you?' His sad expression changed into one of pure hatred, anger. He turned around. 'Maybe I should just kill him right now!' he yelled desperately.

I grabbed his wrist. 'No. Let him suffer.' I took a brief glance at the raider laying on the ground, now harmless. He was squirming in agony, blood gushing out of his mouth. His eye were red and swollen. He tried to talk, but he couldn't.

'How's your head? How hard did he hit you?' He ignored my questions completely. Instead he lifted me up from the dirt, placed me on the hood of an old car stranded next to the road. He seemed to have regained his calm.

'Stay still.' He commanded me and reached inside his coat.

'This will hurt. A lot. But if we don't do this now, it will get infected.' He uncorked a tiny bottle with his teeth.

'Just do it.' I mumbled. I looked away, he held back my hair and carefully poured alcohol over my cheek. I had cuts before, but never on my face. It was as if a million burning needles stung into the wound all at once. I clenched my teeth, shut my eyes.

Then he took a napkin out of his pocket and gently dabbed it against my wound. And I just sat there, trembling like a lost deer. In silence, he cleared my cheek of all the blood and grime.

'I'm sorry.' He suddenly told me. His green eyes were averted to the ground, his head bowed. It looked like he was deeply ashamed of what happened. I refused to accept his apology. Didn't want to hear a single word of it. I lifted his face up towards mine.

'What for? For _saving_ me?' My voice came on stronger, louder and angrier than I felt.

'Yeah, some savior I am.' He scoffed and rolled his eyes, rubbing the exact spot where the raider had hit him. He threw the napkin away, it was completely drenched by my blood.

'No. You stepped in, you took a risk. It... it could've gone so differently.' I sniffle. 'Promise me. Never to do that again.'

'Don't cry.' He whispered and kissed me on my forehead. I fought so hard to stop the tears, didn't dare to shut my eyes. But when I heard him say those words, my lips twitched and I simply let go. Tears streamed down my face, but I didn't make a sound.

'Listen to me, Catherine.' He cupped my cheek, ran his thumb over my cheekbone.

'You are worth _every_ risk I take.'

I bow my head against his chest, grab hold of his coat with both hands. I held it so tight as if he'd slip away from me if I would dare to let go.

'I'll never allow something bad to happen to you. Not while I'm alive.'

He placed his arm around my neck and kissed me on my temple. A strong, short kiss.

'I love you, you fool.' I whimpered.

'Come. Keep close to me, we're getting the hell out of here.' He placed his arm around my shoulder and I put my arm around his waist. I walked past the man who tried to kill me. He was still breathing. By the grimace he made I could tell he was in a lot of pain.

A few seconds later I hear him move. When I turn my head I see he had rolled around to his side, coughing and wheezing.

'You bastards... You deserve each other.'


	6. Chapter 6

We didn't talk much on our way home. Then again, it wasn't necessary. He didn't let go of me, refused to leave me out of his sight. It was a side of him I never saw before. For a little while, I didn't have to look after myself. Safe, protected. Couldn't remember the last time I allowed this to happen. The wastes changed me, molded me into a new self-reliant and hardened person. I never looked back. Always figured this was the way I had to move on if I didn't want to slip back into the darkness I fought so hard to overcome. As I saw my act crumble into pieces in front of me, I realized how tired and worn out I was.

At home, he guided me straight to my bed. As if I was a delicate statue carved out of marble, he laid me down.

'Rest. You've gone through enough for one day.'

He crouched in front of me and covered me with the blanket. I stared at him in awe, feeling uneasy of the way he treated me. I never allowed myself to feel fragile again, to feel weak. But I couldn't hide it that late afternoon. There wasn't any energy left in me to do so.

'Stay with me?' I asked him, reaching out for his hand.

He crawled over me, laid down on the bed behind me. He placed his left arm over my waist and pulled me close against him.

'I'm not going anywhere. Try to get some sleep.'

A few hours later I awoke by the sound of thunder. A storm raged across the sky, lashing out furiously. My eyes needed a few moments to adjust to the darkness our home was covered by.

'Mac...?'

No reaction. Lightning lit up the room every few seconds. My hand touched the empty space next to me. Still warm. I grabbed the blanket, wrapped it around myself and got out of bed.

'Where are you?' I spoke, now louder.

'I'm outside!' I took a few steps towards his voice. Through the window I saw him outside. He stood in front of the power generator, flipping switches and banging on the thing.

'Power's out. It's this freaking storm...!' He had to speak up due to the insanely loud sound of the rain clattering on our wooden rooftop.

'Come inside!' I shouted. 'We'll take a look at it tomorrow!' I watched him hurry back inside, shielding his face from the rain.

'I figured I could fix it before you woke up. Damn thing does nothing.' He tapped his clothes and let out a miserable groan.

'I'm soaking wet.'

'Get yourself out of your clothes. Before you get sick.'

As he undressed himself, I searched for candles. I knew I had them lying around somewhere. I searched through the dresser. First drawer, nothing. It was filled with spare clothes, ammo and pens. Second one was a minor success. Only four and they've been used before.

'Got some!' I shouted triumphantly.

I threw the blanket in the sofa and placed the candles on the coffee table. My trusted flip lighter was where I left it, left pocket. It wasn't long before the room was covered by a beautiful orange hue.

'You want some drinks?' I heard him ask from across the room.

'I could use one, yeah.' I sat down in the sofa, feet on the table. The nap did me good. I felt calmer again.

'Feeling better?' he asked as he entered the room, wearing a flannel shirt and a new pair of jeans.

'You should know you snored. _Again_.'

'Shut up.' I giggled, feeling a little bit embarrassed. But by now he heard it so many times there was no point in feeling awkward about it. He handed me my glass of whiskey, placed his on the table and sat down next to me. I noticed how the flickering candlelight danced on his face. He leant his chin on my shoulder and put on his most angelic, innocent smile.

'You know, how a tiny woman like you can produce such an enormous sound will always be a mystery to me.'

'Little?' I scoffed, gasping dramatically and placing my hand on my chest. I put my glass down, harshly.

'Who are you calling little, you small bastard?' Without any warning, I mercilessly tickled his sides and belly, making sure his chance for escape was nonexistent.

'Mercy!' He yelled, interrupted by his chuckling. He tried to shove away my hands, but I didn't stop. His chuckle became a laugh, a rather high pitched one. I put on big eyes and went for round two. Fueled by his begging, I ran my hands over his body, pinching and tickling him even more.

'All right, all right. Fine. You're not little. Just stop.' He wiped a tear from his eye.

'I forgive you. This one time.' I taunted. I spread my arms open. 'Come here.'

Hesitantly he shuffled closer. Then he let himself fall into my arms. His hair was still wet from the rain. We laid there for a while, talking. Enjoying being near each other, away from harm. I listened to one of his stories he told about his time with the gunners while I played with the watch on his arm. One whiskey became two, and soon I found myself staring at my nearly empty third glass.

'How did this glass get empty so fast?' I innocently announce, smirking at him.

'Or more importantly, what's that? There, on the floor?' He grabbed my chin and pointed my head towards the dresser. I didn't clean up after I searched for the candles.

'Nothing. It's stupid. It's one of my old dresses.' I admitted and I felt a wave of nostalgia wash over me. I was tipsy enough to talk openly about it without feeling sadness.

'I kept it because a long time ago, a part of me hoped I could return to the life I once had.' I sigh and pull up my shoulders.

'Doesn't matter, it was foolish.' I stare into my nearly empty glass and fumble with my fingers.

'Try it on.' He charmingly asked.

'Why?' I chuckled, felt a bit uneasy. I never expected such a request from him.

'I've never seen you in a dress before.'

'No peaking!' I sang, took up the red dress from the ground and walked to the bedroom. Once I was out of sight, I regretted the idea instantly. My body wasn't exactly in a state to wear a dress anymore. My legs and arms covered by wounds and scars. Bumps and bruises. My skin was pale. Staring at the dress, I wondered how long I'd been standing there.

'What's the holdup?' He shouted amusingly.

'Yeah... Ah, give me a sec.' I replied, and I noticed my words sounded slurred, but I wasn't that drunk. I felt nervous.

After I changed, I shyly stepped into the room and placed my folded hands behind my back. I didn't knew exactly how to move, how to behave. Back before the war, I never thought about it, walking elegantly in a beautiful summer dress. I worried it looked like I was barging in the room, still wearing my military outfit and ready to go out guns blazing.

He smiled, and I saw his eyes shine. He stretched out his arm. Slowly he blinked.

'Come here. Don't be shy. You look beautiful.'

'Thanks.' I mumbled. I averted my eyes, felt a little queasy.

Since I didn't feel like parading around, I went back to laying on the sofa with him. I laid my head to rest on his upper leg and reached for my glass.

'So, do you... still think about it?' He asked in a serious tone, as he pulled my hair behind my ear.

'About what?'

'Returning to your old life? Before... all of this?' I could tell he wasn't confident asking that question.

'No.'

'Are you happy?' Worry in his voice. Once I noticed it, I came back up and placed my hand on his knee.

'I am. Why do you ask me this? Something wrong?'

'I've been wondering lately. You and me, it changed things for me. I've just been thinking...' He grabbed his glass and took a big gulp.

'About what? Tell me. You know you can.' I shuffled closer, placed my arm around his shoulders.

'Don't you ever wish for another life? A life without danger, bloodshed... violence. Today made me realize it even more. Hell, I almost lost you.'

I always assumed we would to spend our days as mercenaries, make piles of caps and take it day by day. But hearing him say these words, talk about this idea of his... Suddenly, I felt this tremendous weight being lifted off my chest. A weight I had carried with me for a while, but always ignored.

'I'd... I'd like that.' I managed so say, my mind eagerly trying to picture what life would be like.

'I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I've never been honest with Lucy, she died with the thought of me being a brave soldier. Someone people respected. I never told her the truth. I figured, maybe she couldn't love me once she knew.'

'Oh honey, I'm sure you had your reasons. Don't dwell too much on the past.' I caressed his cheek. He grabbed my wrist and kissed it.

'It's different, with _you_. I didn't make the same mistake again, you know perfectly who I am, what my past it all about. And yet here you are.'

His green eyes pierced mine, as if he found something inside them that he couldn't believe still existed.

'You didn't leave me. I'm so grateful for that.' He smiled.

'I love you the way you are. You're brave. You.. you fucking saved me. Don't you realize that?'

There were many things I wanted to tell him. How grateful I felt towards him for picking me up from the dirt, dusting me off and making sure I survived this world. How I owe it to him that I was still around in that very moment. But he didn't let me.

He leaned in, pressed his lips against mine. I saw his eyes were closed firmly. I let his words sink in and kissed him back, enjoyed the softness of his lips sliding over mine. He breathes nervously through his nose. We cradle back and forth in the sofa, getting lost in our kiss. He lets out a feint moan and retreats a little. Our foreheads were still touching.

'Being around you drives me crazy, but the thought of losing you even more.' He mumbled.

And then, everything stopped.

My neck hairs raised, my arms covered by goose bumps. A tingling sensation runs over my spine.

I straddled him and kissed him again, this time deeper. I felt unstoppable, my passion fueled by the last words he spoke. I run my fingers wildly through his hair, pulling his head back. His hands warm hands slide across my back while I plant kisses all over the right side of his neck and teasingly bite his earlobe. He pulled out a rope of fabric from my dress, loosening it.

'Up for something different?' He murmured against my lips. He slides his hands under my dress, kneading my bottom briefly with his rugged hands.

After I nodded, he wrapped the makeshift blindfold around my eyes, made a loose knot at the back of my head.

'You trust me?' he asked, his voice hot.

'Yes.' I breathe, and my mind runs wild with thoughts on what he's planning to do to me.


	7. Chapter 7

The blindfold pressed against my eyes, devoid from sight. I left my faith into his hands.

'Careful.' He whispered. He took my hands in his and got up, I followed his movements without questioning. I leant forward with a burning desire to continue our kiss. Instead, he turned me around and placed his hands my hips. Walking closely behind me, he guided me through the room.

Robbed of my eyesight, my other senses caught up with me. A candle crackled, rain poured down on the roof. Thunder rumbled in the night sky. My clumsy footsteps shuffled over the wooden panels.

'Where are-' I stutter, staring into the darkness.

'Trust me.' He replies innocently.

My knee bumped against the bed. We stopped. He's still behind me. His warm hand touched my shoulder, his other pulled down the zipper on the back of my red summer dress. He turned me back around, towards him. I sensed his hot breath flow over my chest like an inviting summer breeze. He finally kissed me again. A quiet moan escaped his lips. I could swear I could hear him smile. He kissed my shoulder, gently moved aside the strap of my dress. The fabric, almost silk-like to the touch, slides off them hesitantly. It passes over my exposed breasts and ends up on the floor, a crumpled up faded memory.

After I've laid down on my back, I felt him come closer. I couldn't see his movements, didn't knew what to expect. He grabbed my hands, brought them above my head. With a quick move, his right hand locked both my wrist together.

I laid there, eagerly awaiting his touch. I giggled nervously, impatient as I was.

I startled when he sucked on my nipple. All sensations seemed stronger, more intense. He took his time, squeezing my feverish flesh, caressing my most sensitive spots.

He works his way down, trying not to miss a single spot, while I kept my hands where he left them. I felt myself become wetter by every kiss he planted on my scorching, needy skin. I heard him take off his shirt, or so I loved to believe. I couldn't take it anymore. I reached out for him, I wanted to pull him close. But I reached for air, nothingness.

'Come here.' I mumble, my voice sultry.

'No. Lie down.' He confidently replied, sliding further down.

A teasing kiss, on the inner side of my thigh. I shuddered, shaking leg briefly. Couldn't control it. With one hand on my knee I felt him move, his tongue finding its way to the most sensitive part of my body. I could feel the taste buds of his tongue, swirling around, driving me into a high. Bound by darkness, no detail escaped me. My mind became hazy, hypnotized by the intoxicating sensations that came over me. I felt myself surrender completely, allowing him to devour me.

Lovingly I played with his hair as he kept pleasuring me. As I arched my back, I let my hands run over the sheets. With every smooth movement by his flat, wicked tongue, I grabbed them more tightly. I trusted my hips forward and wiggled around, felt my legs stiffen. Unable to hide my desire, I moan his name to urge him to continue.

The room was like a furnace from the heat of the pleasure he gave me.

He stops.

'Don't stop!' I almost screamed. I let go of the sheets and I notice my hands are a little damp.

I came up, sat up straight. My breathing was ragged, my heart pounding in places I wasn't used to anymore. I could feel he had undressed already. His lips found mine and skin against skin, my breasts pressed against his chest, we kissed deeply. He guides me back down, without letting go. But I thought otherwise.

I wiggled out from under him and with one push, palm flat on his chest, I made him lie down. I straddled him and let his throbbing erection enter me, pushing inside me. I removed my blindfold, threw it away without looking; our eyes locked.

'So you finally got too curious, hm?' He chuckled suggestively, his voice hot. A raging fire ignited in his eyes.

I leant my wrists on the headboard, finding my balance. My hips rocked back and forth, his hands firmly groping them, moving in sync with our rhythm. I stared at the tantalizing expression on his face shamelessly. I reveled it in, enjoyed it. It turned me on like nothing else.

'Oh sh-' He stuttered, biting his lower lip. I heard him grunt deeply and grinned at him, pleased by his reaction. Carelessly I let my head fall back, my hair tickling the skin of my upper back. His hands reached for my breasts, teasingly pinching my hard nipples. We got lost in our pace, each thrust following the next one faster and faster.

I felt myself nearing my breaking point. He pleasured me with his fingers, ran his other hand over my back from neck to bottom. I placed my hands back on the headboard and allowed him to take control of movement. I lifted myself up a little and got lost by his deeper, more possessive thrusts. His eyes danced over my face, my breasts... My muscles tensed up, I could feel an itch inside my thigh.

I rose up and shivered, unable to hold back any longer. I moaned loudly, my breath stuttering. The euphoric trip reached its climax. A couple more thrusts follow and I see him frown, eyes closed. His nails dig in my skin, exposing the amount of pleasure he experienced.

We pause, our uneven breathing floating through the room.

'That... was amazing.' He says, only now releasing me from his grasp.

We laid on the bed, whispering sweet nothings in each other ears. Our bodies exhausted, trembling from the aftermath.

'Tomorrow.' He suddenly mumbled.

'What about tomorrow?' I smiled at him, enjoying the relaxed vibe I was in. I reach for my pack of smokes on the night table and light one up.

'Let's make it the last job. Promise me, Cath.' He sounded as if he was about to fall asleep within the next seconds. Under the sheets, he nestled his head on my chest. I leant my chin against him and wrapped my arm around him.

'I promise. Tomorrow's the last. After that, we're out of business.' I calm him, placing a soft kiss on his head. 'For good this time.'

I stared at the candles, some were already quenched, others were burning low. The storm seemed to have passed, the rainfall calmed down. I wanted to stay in this moment forever, holding him safe in my arms. A new life. Another one. But this time, I knew exactly what I was getting myself into.

'We'll make this work. We don't need-' I started, but my words stopped in their tracks.

For a while, I watched him sleep. He looked so at ease, so peaceful. I closed my eyes and drifted away into sleep. But my mind shifted. If I had a cap for every time my sister told me 'If it's too good to be true, it probably is', I could've stepped out of the mercenary business a long time ago. She was always the most cynic of us two, but she was often proved right in the end.

My last thought that night was wishing this wasn't one of the times.


	8. Chapter 8

The last job. It almost felt surreal, us living a life different to the one we've known for the last months. I wanted it more than anything in the world, but ever since I woke up this morning, my sisters' words kept on banging through my mind.

Before we entered Hancock's estate, we paused in front of the entrance. It was raining and we took shelter under the balcony above us.

'When do we tell him the news?' Mac asked me, his right hand resting on my hip.

'After the job's done. He won't be happy about us quitting the field.' I wasn't looking forward to tell him. We were his best men. The problem solvers. I wasn't exactly eager to tell him we would quit the business for good.

'I don't care.' He whispered and pulled me closer against him. 'This is what I want.' He planted one chaste kiss on my forehead. 'For us.'

'Right on time.' Hancock noted, sitting comfortably in the red sofa centered in his office room. MacCready gave him a short nod and placed himself against the wooden wall, arms crossed. He seemed to like being in the background and let me do the talking when there was business to be discussed.

'Hancock.' I greeted him and took a seat in front of him. 'So, when do we leave?' I asked impatiently. I wanted to get on with it, be done with it.

'Nathan should be here any minute. You want something to drink in the meantime?'

My right leg nervously bounced up and down. 'No. I-ah...'

'You aren't nervous, are you? You seem off today. Don't worry, knowing your capabilities I'm sure you can manage this job blindfolded.'

MacCready chuckled, interrupted by a short cough. I didn't had time to look over my shoulder and look in his green eyes, savoring the moment of our little inside joke. A man walked through the door. A tall man, with black hair hanging in front of his beady eyes. He didn't say a word.

'Great. Now our little party is complete.' Hancock spoke, rubbing his hands together enthusiastically.

'These are my two business associates. They'll be accompanying you to the lab. Don't worry, they're only here to make sure everything goes well.'

'I'm Catherine.' I smiled at him, but he didn't return the gesture.

'I'm Nathan.' He replied, his voice apathetic. When his eyes met mine, it felt as if he looked straight through me. He seemed uninterested, detached from what was happening around him. Yet he seemed so calm. I found it hard to believe that the man standing in front of me killed a whole gang of raiders by himself.

'This here in the back is my-' _My lover. My personal savior. My ticket to a brighter future._

'My partner.' I eventually decided on, unable to hide a smile nobody but us would understand. 'MacCready. He'll be joining us as well.' Mac nodded at him, raising his head briefly to greet him.

Nathan took a good, long look at him with narrowed eyes before he could greet him. For a moment, it seemed like he recognized him.

'Nathan, once you've provided us access to the lab, your part of the job is done. Return here for your payment.' Hancock explained to him while everyone listened. I noticed how Nathan kept taking glances at Mac. He seemed a bit uneasy, nervous even.

'Questions?' Hancock asked.

Nathan shook his head and took one last look at Mac before he shuffled out of the room.

'You two. Come here.' The ghoul whispered and bowed his upper body towards us, mentioning to come closer. Before he talked, he made sure Nathan was out of earshot.

'I meant it when I said no funny business. This guy is giving me a bad vibe, but I can't let all those chems go to waste. You understand, right? If his sources are even slightly correct, we'll hit a mother lode. Keep an eye on him, from the moment you leave this place. I mea-'

'Hancock. You know you can count on us.' I interrupted him, not in need of his paranoia.

'Return with good news. And be careful out there.'

When we walked out of the room, I asked Mac if he'd seen Nathan before.

'Never in my life. Guy gives me the creeps though.' He replied honestly.

'The way he looked at you, it seemed... off. For a moment I was sure he recognized you.'

Mac pulled up his shoulders and placed his hand on my upper back, guiding me out of the room.

'Cath, stop worrying. We'll be back here before you know it.'

We left Goodneighbor facing a short two hour walk towards south of Quincy. I knew the territory so I felt confident about traversing the area. I knew which roads were safe to use and the areas I needed to avoid. Unfortunately having Nathan around caused us to make the trek in an uncomfortable silence. It felt uneasy to talk to Mac freely about the things running through my mind and Nathan wasn't exactly a man to start conversation.

'You don't talk much, do you?' I eventually tried after an hour, hoping that if we'd have a chat I'd feel more comfortable having him around. Even if it's for a short time. He shook his head, his eyes fixated on the ground. If what Hancock told me about his past was even remotely true, I would understand the distrust of people he was showing. No further response or indication he wanted to talk followed, so I backed off.

When we passed Quincy at a reasonable safe distance, we arrived to what seemed to match the description of the compound. A small building, standing all by itself surrounded by debris and dead leaves. We stopped behind a half broken down stone wall not far from it.

'This should be it.' Nathan mumbled, reaching for his right pocket. That action alone was enough for MacCready to raise his rifle slightly, finger on the trigger. Clearly he distrusted the man as much as I did. Nathan pulled out a crumpled up piece of paper.

'I got the codes right here.' He spoke, wiggling it around between his fingers.

'We need to make sure it's safe before we approach the building. Wait here.' I explained. I peeked around the wall and scouted the area through the scope of my rifle. No windows. No campfires. No signs to indicate there's any activity of people living near the building what so ever. A green light if I ever saw one.

'Follow me. And stay close.' I commanded Nathan, who seemed to be on another planet, his eyes drawing a blank.

'Nathan. Let's go.' I raised my voice slightly. I regretted the harsh tone I used, especially on a man deeply scared by his past. He looked up at me and followed us towards the building.

'Do your thing.' I asked him, urging him to enter the codes. Hesitantly he folded the crumbled up piece of paper open and started inserting the codes. The longer he lingered behind that terminal, the more nervous I grew. I hoped this wasn't a trick. I hoped the codes were real. I just wanted to be done with this job and go home.

A loud thud, followed by metal clanking against each other. Then silence.

'Well? Did it work?' MacCready asked curiously. Moment of truth. I tried pulling the handle on the door. It felt like it was stuck, but once I put some weight behind it, it slid open.

'Nathan. You can go. Your part of the deal is fulfilled.' I friendly informed him, hoping he'd take the hint and leave so Mac and I could finish our business here.

Darkness. I turned on the light of my Pip-Boy and my eyesight adjusted. There was only one huge room filled with metal boxes, some of them were stacked all the way to the roof.

I walked towards one of the crates and opened it. Food. Dry foods. I opened another one. Soup. Another one, it contained fancy lady snacks. A horrible feeling swept through my chest, realizing this wasn't a chem lab at all.

'So, what's the deal? How many chems are we lookin' at?' MacCready asked triumphantly. We shared a look, and he immediately saw something wasn't right. He walked towards me and crouched next to me before the last crate I opened up.

'We've been misinformed. No chems here. Just food. Hancock won't be pleased.'

'Look here. Gunner's mark.' He pointed his finger on one crate, bearing the grey skull icon they're known to use.

'I don't understand. It's supposed to be a chem lab. This- this is supply stash of the Gunners.' I said, trying to make sense of the situation.

'Let's go. I don't want to be found here by the Gunners. Not now.' He spoke, a slight panic in his voice. He was right. This wasn't the time to cross old enemies, especially not after we took our revenge on them a few months ago. The Gunners never forget and they certainly never forgive.

A gun cocked behind us.

'I knew it was you. I knew it.'


	9. Chapter 9

'Nathan.' I gasp. 'What-'

'I know for certain who you are now.' He pointed his gun at Mac. 'It's you. Ex-Gunner, am I right? You sure have a nice bounty on your head.'

'Look, you got the wrong person. I-' MacCready tried, hoping to diffuse the tedious situation we found ourselves in. My feet were nailed to the ground, I couldn't move. My mind only caught up moments later, realizing I had to do something before this ended badly.

'Shut up!' Nathan yelled. 'Don't lie to me!' He scratched the gun against his temple briefly, clearly in distress. He struggled speaking fluently and his hands trembled. 'Keep your hands were I can see them. Now!' He commanded us. 'I knew it from the moment she told me your name.'

'Let's stay calm, Nathan. Nothing bad has to happen here.' I try in desperation, my voice slow and calming. The exact opposite of how I felt.

'Fuck that. His head will earn me more caps than this stupid deal ever will.'

'Nathan. Listen to me. You don't have to do this.' I continued, still crouched next to Mac on the ground. 'We can end this here and each go our own way. We go back to Goodneighbor, you get paid and we go our separate ways.'

His eyes were focused on Mac, still holding him at gunpoint. Nathan didn't react to my words, he didn't even look at me. Overwhelmed by panic, I improvised a whole different tactic.

'Think of your girlfriend. Would she wanted you to kill for money?'

'You don't know her. You don't know a god damn thing about me. This isn't about you!' He screamed, desperation in his voice. I looked sideways to Mac, who was looking down to the ground trying to stay calm and stay still. He held his hands up. My heart pounded in my ears as I tried to find a way out of this.

A noise, coming from outside. Voices in the distance. Footsteps. For a split second, Nathan turned his head around. Gunners? Raiders? This was our chance, regardless of the company we were about to receive.

MacCready lunged at Nathan's legs. With a hard thud he fell on the ground, his weapon slipping out of his hands, out of reach. Mac held him down by placing his arm over his throat.

'Not so though now are you?' He smugly told him while Nathan wiggles under him, trying to escape.

I get up and run towards the door, my legs heavy with fear. When I took a careful peek I only saw a caravan passing by. No danger there.

'Tie him up. We don't want to give him another chance.' I sternly speak while I open my backpack and search for something that could serve as a rope. Seconds seem to last like minutes.

'Shut up!' MacCready yelled, getting considerably angry at the way Nathan kept on gurgling words from under the tight grasp of his upper arm. He was kicking his legs violently, still trying to escape.

'I can't hold him much longer.' Mac spoke, struggling to keep Nathan pinned down and within his control on the floor. 'Hurry Cath, damn it!'

I emptied my backpack on the floor and rummaged through the items.

In that moment, I heard it. The sharp sound of a knife unsheathing from its metal holder. Followed by slicing skin. Entering flesh. Tearing muscle.

I saw MacCready fall over, he could barely hold his body from falling flat on the concrete. With one hand he managed to keep himself up.

'Cath...' He breathed, and he collapsed right when I put my arms under his chest. In the corner of my eye I saw Nathan run past me, gun in hand, disappearing through the metal doors.

'Mac!' I yelled. 'What happened? Talk to me.' I caressed his face, held him close. My hands, violently trembling. My mind, trying to get a hold of reality.

'I don't feel so well...'

'Shut up. I'm will get you out of here. Don't fucking move.' My hands were shaking, my eyes were filling up with tears. My hands were slippery, I didn't understand at first. When I reached for one of my stimpacks, I noticed.

Blood; thick and dark red. It poured down my hands, my fingertips. Little drops bounced off, landed on the floor, on his clothes. This couldn't be happening.

'No...' I cried softly.

'Nathan... he-'

'Stay still honey, I will fix you. Stay still.'

'H-he stabbed me.' His eyes rolled back, I felt the muscles of his body relax in my arms, the weight dragging me down.

I panic, my eyes wide, my spine stiff. I rolled him on his back, dragging him by his vest. I tore his clothing open where he was holding his hand. There was no other way. No other scenarios. No other outcomes. My eyes stuttered rapidly. I injected him with two stimpacks near the wound. It didn't look good.

'I don't think I'll make it.' He coughed, a lot of blood spilled out of his mouth. It poured over his chin, down his neck and disappeared onto his chest behind is clothing.

'Help!' I shouted, my voice turning hoarse instantly. 'I need help!' As I held him in my arms, cupping his face I stared above me, as if I was expecting a greater force to come down and save him. This couldn't be real.

'Don't.' He lifted his hand to touch my face, unable to keep it there for more than a few seconds.

'I love you, Catherine.' His words were slurred, gargled by the blood.

'No...' I whispered. I grabbed hold of the collar of his vest, laid my head on his chest. A puddle of blood had formed to his side, expanding at an alarming rate. In anger I clenched my hand into a fist, bashing the ground next to his face.

'Don't leave me! You're all I have!' I kept smashing my hand on the concrete, oblivious to the fact I was bleeding. I didn't feel anything.

He opened his eyes again. I gasp loudly, pulling him close to me.

'Stay with me, babe. I'm here.' I comfort him, softly caressing his hairline, running my hand over his cheek.

'Cathe...' He sighed. 'I'll always do. Never... forget that.'

His arm fell next to his body. His eyes closed.

'I'll always love you...' I whispered, kissing him on his lips.

I picked up my lifeless lover's rifle. It wasn't too late. He's within reach. A coward running away from a crime. No plan. No focus. His movements were easily predictable.

 _'Now remember, the trick is to focus. Let your muscles relax, take a deep breath. Control the situation. Aim for the bottles I placed. Over there, look. You see them? Pretty clever, huh? All right. Give it a try. I believe in you.'_

 _'Don't be afraid, Catherine.'_

My bullet pierced the left side of his neck. Blood splattered out of the wound, it sputtered like a fountain. Pieces of his skin catapulted through the air around him. As he stumbled over his own feet, he hit the ground. Slowly, I walked towards him.

Nathan was dying, succumbing to his mortal wound I've given him. Blood gushed out of his neck, it glistered in the boiling hot sun. He anxiously tried to hold his hand against it to apply pressure. I stared him down, watched him shrivel in his agony.

'Please-' he gurgled, 'M-mercy.'

'Mercy?' I scoffed. 'Mercy!?'

'Kill me.' He begged. Begged for a swift end to his misery. I spat on him, my arms trembling and seething with uncontrollable anger. I believed the veins in my head were about to explode. My face twitched and I stopped breathing.

He reached for his weapon. With his trembling stretched out index finger, he could almost grab it. _Almost._ I took one step in front of me, kicked it out of range.

I took one last look at the man who murdered my lover and I walked.


	10. Chapter 10

_'I never got your message.' 'She's only a friend.' 'I'm fine.' 'It will only take up five minutes of your time.' 'This hurts me more than it hurts you.' People lie, it's in their nature. To protect themselves, because they panic, because they are scared or because they believe it's the righteous thing to do._

 _But there's one lie that takes the crown. Always._

 _'At least you'll have the memories.'_

 _After a month, his scent faded out of his clothes. Six months later, I forgot it. A year had passed before I had troubles remembering where he had the scars he once told me about. I couldn't picture them anymore, yet I've seen them plenty of times. Over the time other things faded out of existence. Memories slipped away like sand through a clenched fist. The sound of his voice when he whispered my name, the rhythm of his breathing I listened to when he was sleeping safely kept in my arms. How his hands felt when they were pressed against my skin._

 _What our kissed tasted like._

 _His voice when he told me he loved me._

 **Five years later...**

'I-I'm so sorry, Catherine.'

She sits in front of me, unable to look me in the eye. Her hands are folded and she fiddles with her thumbs uncomfortably. I only now notice how after all these years she's still wearing that silly hat from back in the day. Its color had faded to a washed out red and noticeably patched up many times in the past.

'Don't be.' I mumble and pour her more tea. 'Now you have the whole story. You wanted to know, well now you do.'

'Thank you.' She smiles at me, but her eyes tell a different story. She reaches for my hand and places hers on mine. 'Honey, why didn't you tell this to anyone sooner?'

A soft, short caress. Friendly. Compassionate. She narrows her brown, big eyes. 'You didn't have to go through this alone. Why did you decide to vanish?'

I pull up my shoulders. Because I didn't want to hear people talk about it. Because I thought no one would understand.

Because sometimes, I thought if I didn't talk about it, it never happened.

Because I couldn't explain it to _her_.

'Who's the pretty lady, mommy?' I pull the child close to me and place the palm of my hand on her chest. Her heart beats fast. Faster than mine has beaten in a long time.

'This is an old friend of Mommy. Why don't you go say hi to her?' I rub dirt of her face and ruffle her blonde, long hair.

'H-hi! My name is Lisa.'

'Hello, sweetheart. My name is Piper.'

'That's a funny name!' Lisa chuckles and reaches for her hat. She doesn't know boundaries all too well.

 _Just like her father._

Piper takes off her hat and places it into Lisa's hands. As she puts in on and runs back to the fields behind my house, Piper's face returned to one filled with sorrow.

'How old is she?'

'She's five.'

She needed one second to figure out what happened.

'She has his eyes, you know.' I say and I leave my chair. I stretch and walk towards the fireplace. I stare at the only two memories I have from him, placed on the mantel. His green hat, of which one bullet was lost. It hasn't aged a day. I decided to hang his rifle above the fireplace. It seemed fitting.

'Have you been living her for long?' Piper asks.

'Yes. I-ah...' My words stop in their tracks, a lump forms in my throat.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-'

'No.' I sternly reply, press my lips together. 'It's okay. It's been five years, I can do this. Hell, I gave you the inside story.' I look behind my shoulder and notice her cheeks are flushed red. She remains silent as I continue. I caress the side of the cap, briefly touching it with my fingertips. I bow my head and I feel my eyes sting. Almost, almost I could picture him wearing it. Maybe if I pressed my eyes together, tried really hard the image would appear before my eyes.

'Take your time.'

'I didn't return to Goodneighbor. I walked home. I don't remember how, don't remember what roads I took. When I came home, I remember looking into the mirror. My face was covered by blood. I didn't recognize myself. The reflection I saw was alien to me.' As I go through the memories of that day, I still can't believe I did nothing harsh to myself.

'I stayed in the boathouse for a few days until-.' Crying. Screaming. Breaking furniture. Falling exhausted asleep with my dog in my arms, clenching his mane, my tears falling into his fur while he wept with me.

'I found a map under his-' I choke on my words. I swallow and regain my mental strength. 'A map. I found a map under his pillow. It had directions written on it.'

'Did you find out where it leads?' Piper asks carefully.

'Yes.' My voice trembles and a shock of lightning runs over my spine. I turn around and a tear rolls down my cheek.

'Here.' I point down.

She stood up from her seat, walked over.

'It's okay.' She hushed me, 'Don't cry.'

'Mommy, why are you crying?' Lisa asked, standing in the doorway.

'It's nothing. I was telling a sad story is all. Are you done playing? It's almost dark outside.' I sniffle and wipe my face clean of the tears.

'I think so.' Lisa replies, looking at me with her big eyes.

'Go get Dogmeat for me, okay honey? Let's get ready for dinner.' She nods and returns outside.

'Does she know?' Piper asks, caressing my upper arm.

'No. But she has the right to know. One day.'

Piper left an hour later. I stayed outside, in the door opening and watched her walk away. She looked back a few times, probably wondering in what state she left me. She need not worry.

'Lisa! Come here!' I shout.

She runs towards me and Dogmeat follows in her footsteps, a little slow. He's getting old. It was almost dark, the sky painted in beautiful red, golden hues. A warm, summer breeze played with my hair. Trees surrounding our house swayed peacefully. The radio on the window still was audible.

 _'It's all over but the crying...'_

The fields surrounding my house were beautiful this time of year. She runs straight into my arms and I clench her tight against me.

'Mommy!' She yells.

'You know I love you, right honey?'

She looks up and smiled.

'I love you too, Mommy. Can we eat now? I'm so hungry.'

I look down and look her in the eyes. She truly has his eyes. It pains me to look into them, yet this is the only real memory I got left. I smile at her and we make way to head inside.

'Everything's going to be alright, as long as we stick together.'


End file.
